This is the fourth 7am reveille this week, far too much for a retired gentleman. I disregard the regular 4am duty wakings as this seems to be normal for gentlemen of a certain age. A hurried, chilly shower as the heating had just come on entitled me to a good grump so I reveled in one. The reason for getting up yet again in the middle of the night was that today is Divan Day and the advised arrival time of the new and I hope unsullied divan bases was anywhere between 07.30hrs and 13.30hrs. Now I know the factory is situated somewhere in the midlands and I doubt that even the most eager of DDPs (divan delivery persons) would set off in the wee small hours in order to arrive at Chez Kojak at 07.30hrs. Tempting as it was, I reluctantly thought it foolish to risk a desperately longed for lie in and so once again I had to clamber out of the futon the floor. Naturally there was no early delivery but I did keep myself busy. The next few days threaten to be hectic as I plan to leave for God's own county of Durham to spend Christmas and New Year in northern climes. There was, therefore laundry and ironing to be done before that and I also have friends arriving and staying tonight and tomorrow to help an ex-work colleague youngster celebrate her 50th birthday. Much of the morning was spent having a Widow Twankee moment, washing, ironing, making beds. I could have done with a Wishee Washee to assist me but they all seem to be busy doing pantomime.
The divan has landed! At 12.50hrs precisely. Having practised unpacking etc. on 3 previous bases I thought this one would be a piece of cake. The first attack drew blood... MINE! Having worked in a office for all my working life I thought I had mastered the art of avoiding paper cuts. What I had not expected, nay, thought impossible, was a corrugated cardboard cut. Ah well, one lives, gets cut and learns. I did manage to avoid splashing my rare B rhesus negative corpuscles on the "luxury damask" covering as I hurriedly retired hurt to the kitchen and the First Aid box. It's amazing how much blood is contained in a finger. I have read of ancient gods demanding a blood sacrifice but I've never heard of a divan base doing a Dracula. After a session with the cold water tap and with the aid of a sticking plaster I returned to the fray, cautiously circling the bases. A different manufacturer but one which also had in it's employ a staple gun fanatic. Armed with an array of tools to cut, unstaple and screw I finally managed to assemble them. They are linked together by a cunning arrangement of clips which requires you to lift one side of one base and lift the opposite side of the other base. Easy if you have one of Santa's little helpers to assist but there wasn't an elf in sight. A brief struggle ensued with the odd castor or three dropping out at a critical moment causing the air to turn as blue as the bedroom carpet. Success at last! I just have an unwieldy mattress to position before I can look forward to a sprung based 4 drawer continental slumber at a decent height from the floor.The first visitor is arriving shortly. There's nothing prepared but I rather fancy fish and chips tonight!... and snow has just arrived with the visitor.
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