Monday dawned as grey as the designated bin. As usual I had to extricate my carcase out of the sprung edge 4 drawer divan at some ungodly hour thanks to the Oberbinfuhrer's thoughtless diktat. Mindful of the earlier act of hostility by the recycling binherren I resolved to be particularly vigilant. I am a gentleman of a certain age and unfortunately prone to the odd requirement to visit the bathroom and during one of these visits the evil binherren struck! Oblivious to the large house number liberally displayed on every side and also visible to overhead aircraft they callously dumped my bin in front of a neighbour's house. I say callously but the placement was deliberate - both bins neatly placed side by side blocking the path to my neighbour's door. Being of a charitable disposition to neighbours I retrieved my bin and also moved hers to one side. No such charity extends to binherren however and after this latest provocation I am forced to declare that a state of war exists between Chez Kojak and the Oberbinfuhrer.
On Thursday I had to go to the big city to purchase a small wheelie suitcase for my forthcoming trip to admire the architecture of Brunel's passenger shed at Bristol Templemeads station. Hopefully the Beer Festival which happens to be in session there will not interfere with my study. Now I do possess several suitcases, in fact I could probably open a shop but they are all of a large size. While I was in the metropolis known as Preston I called to make an appointment for an eye test. I was delighted to be offered a test later that afternoon. A careful check of omnibus times led me to collect the suitcase and then proceed to the opticians. Unfortunately the suitcase itself was encased in a large, light but unwieldly cardboard box which was so stoutly packed it was impossible to remove. Adding to my woes was the frequent bathroom requirement that gentlemen of a certain age are prone to. Hence the spectacle of Kojak struggling with a large cardboard box on his way to get spectacles via the restrooms of M&S, the shopping mall and Debenhams. At Debenhams I felt compelled to buy a guilty cup of tea which of course did nothing to ease the situation.
Today the gas man cometh. He should have cometh this morning as promised but apparently British Gas runneth late and knoweth not when they arriveth. There is a very real chance of the state of war being extended. I am mindful of the dangers of waging war on two fronts but if lacking British Gas, Chez Kojak has plenty of British Grit.
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