One and a Half beds, Gales and a Draught up My Lobby.

For some time I have been bothered by an intermittent draught up my lobby. This is not something the doctor can cure nor is it fatal, merely uncomfortable and a tad chilly.

Last year I had new UPVC double glazing installed which has  largely behaved very well except in the lobby area. Now I don't expect or want a tropical ambiance in my lobby but I had hoped that replacing the old and ill-fitting wooden door would at least take the chill off the place. I cannot understand why the manufacturers of a double glazed door would take such advertised care over draught proofing and yet incorporate a keyhole with a raised edge that not only allows a howling gale to blow through but which has a design that prevents any sort of cover being fitted to preclude the said draught.

Today I have been awaiting the promised gale force winds to hit the north-west of England. As befits an English gale it was late arriving and most of the day has just reflected the lull before the storm. At last it arrived and fortunately the wind direction enabled me to locate precisely the non-keyhole areas where the offending draughts are sneaking in. Now I have to hope that when the double-glazing man arrives next Tuesday the wind continues to perform in a similar manner. There's nothing worse than being on the end of that "look" when you feebly state "Well, it was there yesterday".

In addition to the wind rattling doors, windows and my lobby I received notification of the delivery date of half a bed to replace the offending wet half that was delivered 2 days ago. Quick work, you may think and I have to admit that I was impressed at first.  If there is a rotten apple in the barrel of lfe it has generally been my misfortune to retrieve it and on this occasion I retrieved a delivery date when I was to be away in the Lake District at a reunion of holiday friends. After much whining to Customer Services the very helpful lady managed to arrange a new delivery date before I left for more northern climes. Because they will have to use a different delivery service, one which normally only delivers mattresses, they will not be able to take away the original half of the base. This brings up an interesting point. Is there some sort of demarcation between delivering mattresses and bed bases? Are special, non-transferable skills required  for each? If you order a complete bed do you get the mattress one week and the bed base the next or vice-versa?

So Tuesday should be interesting. I have visions of the double glazing man defending the door with a draught detector while delivery men try to force an entry using half a bed as a battering ram. I have not yet thought where I am supposed to store the other half of the bed pending collection. I have some ideas but I suspect that they are both illegal and anatomically impossible...

Meanwhile, the wind is howling, the rain is lashing down and I shall take comfort in a rib-sticking stew and perhaps a steamed pudding. The only lashing inside Chez Kojak will be lashings of custard.