Oompa Loompas and The Horns of the Dalai Lama

Today was grey wheelie bin day. A relatively painless one albeit not without discomforts. There is the discomfort of hauling my carcase out of a warm bed, supported of course by temporary bed bases, at 07.00 hrs on a cold,drear and dark morning when the central heating has only just kicked in. Another discomfort is having to leave a still cool house before 07.30hrs and step into a freezing outdoors to carefully position the bin as directed by the council Uberbinfuhrer. The final discomfort is repeating my cold slipper shuffle to retrieve the bin when and at whatever time the evil bin Oompa Loompas deign to arrive, wheel and  return it. A fellow blogger (you know who you are) has kindly included a photo of West Country bin Ooompa Loompas. A random thought causes me to digress slightly. Regular readers will know that I enjoy a digress every so often. We have many organisations and internet websites offering consumers the opportunity to compare various providers ranging from gas and electricity to house and car insurance. It seems that you can compare or read reviews on almost anything these days. Is there something that caters for wheelie bin services? In line with hospital and schools are councils required to provide wheelie bin league tables? If so, I must have personally bottomed out Fylde Borough Council's chances. If the Laplanders, or Sami, to give them their correct title, have to transport their bins to the nearest collection point would they be O Sami bin laden?

Well, a collection date has arrived for the bed bases. I say bases because I have three at present. One occupying the landing, ready to wedge and trap those unwary visitors of an ample figure and two occupying the area beneath my mattress, providing support for a resident, sadly on the verge of an unwanted, but inevitable ample figure. I say inevitable because the combination of a bread machine, a Kenwood Chef and a healthy appetite make it so.

The date for collection is next Sunday - an unusual day for the transport of returning bed bases. And so to the several horns of the Dalai Lama or dilemmas in everyday speak. Will my current snow-free abode still be accessible? Do I pre-empt the promise of a refund and bravely order a new base? Do I wait until the refund dust has settled and imitate a squat by camping out on a mattress on the floor. I have done such sleeping larks in the past but not for some years. More dilemmas - how long will I be baseless?; having got down to floor level in a supine position will I be able to get up again? (important stuff for those of a certain age!); if I order a new base will it, horror of horrors, arrive before the old ones are collected and if it did, where the hell would I put them? My lounge is not miniscule but I know it and I could not cope with a 3 piece suite and 3 bed bases. Which replacement should I purchase? What is the difference between torsion sprung, pocket sprung and Miracoil? This last decision is of vital importance as whatever sprung I select has to last me a considerable number of years - I'm not going through all this again!